Gender and family; Feminine strategies preserving married life

1.Introduction

The family stands as a critical traditional institution in the modern world, positioned between tradition and modernity (Giddens, 2000; Zahedi & Khazrnezhad, 2013; Behnam, 1996). The persistence of this institution faces a core dilemma: reconciling traditional gender norms (with distinct duties) with modern egalitarian values. This creates a fundamental challenge for couples, especially women. The family is both the primary site of emotional commitment and a key institution for reproducing unequal gender structures (Jahangiri & Afrasiabi, 2011).The central problem of this research is the link between "preserving family life" and the "institutional-gendered position" of the family. As a miniature extension of the public sphere, the family internalizes its rules (Sadeghi Fasaei & Erfanmanesh, 2013; Shakouri Rad & Azad Armaki, 2002). Despite women's advancements in the public sphere (employment, education), the family's internal rules remain unequal and androcentric due to cultural norms (emphasizing wifely obedience) and legal supports (Articles 1104, 1117, and 1168 of the Iranian Civil Code). This institution, with an independent identity, prescribes a gendered procedure focused on maintaining the traditional gender order (Behnam, 2014). In this single-sex, hierarchical structure, a woman's primary duty after marriage is to reconcile the triple identity of "womanhood, wifehood, and motherhood" with this institution (Arab Khorasani, 2019). Her agency in this space is directed at negotiating how to interact with the pre-defined role system. While this duty was less challenging in the traditional era, in the current liminal space between tradition and modernity, women's emerging social agency directly conflicts with "wifely objectification" (Arab Khorasani, 2020). This conflict makes preserving the family a complex issue, necessitating a study of women's strategies in facing it. The main research question is: What strategies do married women employ to preserve the family institution under conditions of gender inequality?

2.Methodology

This qualitative research was conducted within an interpretive paradigm using the Grounded Theory method. The aim was to discover and reconstruct a theory based on participants' lived experiences. The research population consisted of married women living in Tehran, from whom 15 participants were selected using theoretical sampling with maximum variation (Strauss & Corbin, 2015). Diversity criteria included: length of cohabitation (3 to 30 years), employment status, education level, religious beliefs, childbearing status, and experience of extramarital relationships. Data were collected through in-depth semi-structured interviews and continued until theoretical saturation was reached. Interviews were recorded, transcribed, and then analyzed through open, axial, and selective coding processes. To adhere to research ethics, participants' identities were kept confidential and marked with numerical codes (1 to 15).

3.Findings

The core category extracted from data analysis is "Self-Erasure for the Sake of Life." This macro-strategy is not a complete transformation but a fluid process, dependent on the degree of a woman's dependence on the family institution, in which women gradually sacrifice their personal desires and individual identity for the stability and continuity of family life. This category is shaped by three sets of conditions:

Causal Conditions: Factors shaping entry into marriage, such as marital exigency (forced, supra-individual, escape from social pressure) and vital dependencies on marriage (economic provision, gaining respect and the social identity of "wife").

Structural (Intervening) Conditions: The gendered language of matrimony, which includes authoritative and hierarchical male communication patterns, the dominance of male expectations, and the disproportionate burden of maintaining the relationship on women.

Contextual Conditions: The understanding of life's fluidity; a woman's realization that married life is not static and she must constantly adapt and synchronize herself with the different life stages of her husband and children (pregnancy, parenting).

In response to these conditions, women employ three sets of strategies:

A) Extra-Individual Strategies: Pre-institutionalized solutions, such as pre-marital observation and learning (choosing a husband based on practical criteria) and relying on protective extended-family structures (pressure from culture, tradition, religion, and fear of the consequences of divorce).

B) Wifely Strategies (Focused on the Self): Internal management and restorative strategies, including self-redefinition (separating the inner self from external roles, redefining womanhood and success) and processual relationship management (ranging from negotiation and dialogue to empowered silence and threats of separation).

C) Strategies Directed at the Husband: Direct strategies for regulating the relationship with the family's focal point, including: 1) Removing the Husband from the Center of Attention (reducing emotional investment and diversifying sources of identity), 2) Reducing the Husband to a Father (prioritizing maternal identity and preserving the father for the children), 3) Prioritizing the Husband's Needs (especially sexual needs as a lever for regulating the relationship), and 4) Masculinizing the Self and Life (conforming to male interests, priorities, and behavioral patterns to create superficial peace).

4.DiscussionandConclusion

The findings indicate that preserving the family within an unequal gender structure requires a heavy cost from women, manifested in the "self-erasure" strategy. This is not an emancipatory agency but a calculative subjectivity formed within the framework of the dominant discourse. While women are "objects" for the reproduction of gender values, they become active "subjects" responsible for preserving the institution. This paradoxical position provides them with the possibility of exercising micro-power and agency amid subordination. The discovered strategies range from active adaptation to calculated passivity.

This research shows that the primary burden of the "emotional labor" and "relational work" of preserving the family falls on women. Although this process creates a deep bond between the woman and the family institution, it often comes at the price of diminishing her independent individual identity. The ultimate result is the transformation of the woman into a "grandmotherly mother" for all family members, including the husband. This model contradicts the desires and possibilities of the new generation of women, who demand a fairer division of labor and the pursuit of personal goals. Therefore, the continuation of this unequal pattern could, in the long run, lead to increased marital tensions, early divorces, or the formation of female-headed households. This research suggests the necessity of rethinking family laws, promoting participatory models in marital relationships, and conducting further studies on the psychological consequences of these strategies for women.early divorces, or the formation of female-headed households. This research suggests the necessity of rethinking family laws, promoting participatory models in marital relationships, and conducting further studies on the psychological consequences of these strategies for women.