Exploration parenting myths of mothers who have experienced divorce Under the cover of the Imam Khomeini Relief Committee: A qualitative study

Introduction

One of the most common structural changes in the family can be considered divorce, therefore divorce is the most serious challenge that the family and society in general face. Divorce is an unforeseen event in the family that affects each family member at different times and in different ways, diverting them from their normal growth path. A study of the statistics of registered divorces in the provinces of Iran indicates that the divorce rate in Kermanshah province has reached a critical level and its upward trend in 1400 has been significant compared to previous years. This means that in the last five years, the marriage rate in Kermanshah province has been completely decreasing, while the divorce rate has not changed in proportion to the decrease in marriages. Paying attention to these statistics is important for two reasons. First, the registered marriage rate in this province has faced a sharp decrease. On the other hand, the cultural-economic context prevailing in Kermanshah has made the aforementioned province a place with linguistic, ethnic and social heterogeneity that is more exposed to social harm than other provinces. Therefore, if attention and importance are not paid to the effects caused by it, the divorce registered in the aforementioned province can cause more adverse effects on children and parents than before The findings of the studies confirm that one of the main challenges that parents will face after divorce is issues related to parenting and how to fulfill their parental role.

It seems that the parenting patterns of divorced parents can be influenced by parenting myths. Myth literally means an unrealistic fantasy or legend. Myths contain a variety of stories and beliefs that are culturally important and unique to each group or society; myths influence the way an individual is present in the world and also actively shape one's life, causing people to integrate their life experiences with them. The following are some of the characteristics of myths: 1- It is not easy to identify myths because they seem completely natural. 2- All people have a mythical thought or belief. 3- Myths target the complete and complete dimension of everything. 4- Myths are formed unconsciously in people's minds. 5- Myths have many functions in different aspects of life (including the creation of parental behavioral patterns). Therefore, considering the meanings and

enumerating the characteristics of myths, myths in the function of parenting can be defined as follows: Parenting myths are unconsciously formed in the minds of individuals, which are mental, extreme, and pervasive ideals regarding parenting and the perfect child, and they play a major role in shaping the parenting style and the way parents treat their children. Parenting myths can be a major obstacle to playing the role of a parent because they focus on concepts such as good parents and superior models of raising children. In consideration of the importance and sensitivity of the role of parental myths in child-rearing discussions, existing research texts and sources have only examined and identified myths from the perspective of parents who have not experienced divorce, neglecting to recognize this variable from the side of divorced parents. On the other hand, the prevailing conditions in Kermanshah, which are socially harmful, have placed divorced parents in a precarious situation from the viewpoint of parenting skills. Moreover, it is obvious that parents are not aware of the significant role of their mental myths in raising children and attribute failure or difficult conditions in child-rearing to external factors. Therefore, this research aims to use phenomenology to uncover and identify parental myths from the perspective of divorced mothers, thus, this study seeks to explore and extract the parental myths of divorced mothers in the province of Kermanshah.



Methodology

The present study was conducted using a qualitative phenomenological method because there was no other way to deeply understand the mental myths of parenting than through the phenomenological method. The study population in this study included all divorced female clients covered by the Imam Khomeini Relief Committee of District 3 of Kermanshah in 1404, who were selected through purposive sampling. The criteria for participation in the study included 1- having experience of divorce 2- having at least one child 3- having legal custody of the children 4- having at least six months since the divorce 5- willingness and readiness to participate in the research and the ability to transfer information 6- written informed consent to participate in the research.

To collect data, in-depth interviews and open-ended questions were used, including questions such as: 1- In your opinion, what are the characteristics of an ideal divorced mother? 2- In your opinion, what is the best behavior you can have with your child as a divorced mother? It was used to share experiences. In the present study, in order to ensure the validity of the data and the network of themes obtained, the ambiguous codes extracted from the data were reviewed with the participants so that the authors and participants could achieve agreement on the extracted codes. On the other hand, to finally confirm the validity of the data obtained from this study, the extracted themes were provided to expert professors, and the aforementioned items were approved by the professors.



Results

In the present study, the goal was to analyze and identify the parenting myths of mothers who have experienced divorce. After conducting in-depth interviews with participants and coding the data obtained from the interviews, we reached the main themes, including the mythical child, the mythical parent, and the myth of a smooth separation. The results of the present study showed that divorced mothers face mythical beliefs, including mythical child, mythical parent, and mythical separation, which are not difficult to deal with in their cognitive system. These myths and beliefs lead to compulsive behaviors in divorced parents who devote all their strength and energy to raising and living their children, in order to remove the label of divorce from their foreheads and that of their children.



Conclusion

Divorced mothers use these myths as a criterion for judging other divorced mothers and based on these criteria, they divide divorced mothers into two categories: good and bad parents. Also, myths for divorced parents will become a criterion for measuring the sense of adequacy in divorced parents. If parents act contrary to one of these beliefs in their behavior and thoughts towards their children, it will lead to a feeling of inadequacy and lack of success in them and will ultimately cause widespread stress and tension in parents in order to fulfill the parenting myths. This stress can cause specific psychological problems such as depression in parents, which can lead to them playing an ineffective parental role even more than before.